Where it all started

Hey there !
Probably nobody is reading this blog yet since I'm not publicizing it and I'll never do it...
I want my readers to read it cause they actually enjoy it or feel some kind of connection with it.
I'm not telling any of my RL (real life) friends that I own this blog so I probably won't get readers so soon.... No problem !

The first posts won't be about recent things. I'll start by telling some old stories that happened to me so you can all understand a bit of my past.

This one is probably the most important one.... My first "real" relationship....
It all started when I was still doing High School, 2 or 3 years before I got into college...
This new girl showed up that year and she was in my class...
You know that feeling you get when you see someone for the first time and you think "Nah... She'd never look at me..." ...well it was just like that...

She was by far the cuttest/hottest girl in our class and I was just another "punk teenager" who just thought about skateboarding all the time and listening to punk-rock music.
Well the truth is I got lucky.... we became best friends and after one year of being best friends and everyone knowing I had a huge crush on her (including her) we started dating for real.

We dated for 4 years... We were a great couple, or at least we were for the first 3 years...
At that age, nobody was interested in having a real relationship. Most of our friends would date someone for a couple of weeks and then move on... We stuck together trough finishing high school and starting college...
Everyone said we would break up on the first year of college, but we didn't, we passed trough that...
It was a great relationship and we really really loved each other.
What happened after I can't explain... Maybe we changed as individuals when we got into college and we didn't notice.... Maybe we started getting tired of each other... All I know is that we started fighting daily and the relationship became a problem instead of being that one thing that you can always count on to get support.
We couldn't even go out at night together, we would always get some reason to fight... It started getting anoying for both of us...

Then I ruined everything and probably did the worst thing I could've ever done...
I'm not gonna write down the list of things I regret doing those last months of our relationship.
All I can say is this: I'd change everything now if I could... I'd go back and re-write all my actions...
I did a lot of things I'm not proud of (no I never hit her or did anything violent, that's something I'm proud of not being able to understand why it happens) and I managed to do them all without her knowing it... I managed to live a separate life when I wasn't near her...

Well.... My advice... Don't go that way.... Even if you become a good liar, even if you manage to become so cold hearted that you barely "feel" the weight on your shoulders... Unless you're some kind of weird person that really don't give a crap about anyone or anything, it will catch you. Sooner or later you'll start feeling it... You'll start realizing that you can't live your whole life with someone after doing certain things... It's not the way it's "supposed to be".

So after a whole year of fighting, I broke up with her for real... It wasn't the first time, we did it for like a week and we'd eventually forgive each other and come back but this time was for real. I couldn't keep "feeding" something that had already been killed...

I never forgot her.... I still fight with the feeling of wanting her back today but I know I can't keep living with that weight on my shoulders.. The weight of being with someone that doesnt truely know who you are and what you did/do. And being honest becomes out of question or you'd loose that someone for ever even as a friend.

So this is the begining. This was my first big mistake into getting in the situation I am today.
I do regret it... but maybe I needed it. Maybe it was the first step (although a really bad and wrong step) into helping me find myself, find my future... find the girl that will actually stay with me for the rest of my life.

I know all this sounds "lame", but its a part of my life and I think everyone's got moments like this in their closet...

This will probably be the most "boring" story you'll read here I think the probably the most important one already... I'm still trying to figure out how I jumped from being the shy teenager that was scared of that special girl from my class into somehow managing to "score" with 40 yrs old hot moms who are married !

That's another story though ;)
Hope you enjoyed, keep reading !