Letting it all out !!!

Hey again !
Felt like writing a bit more today so here I am !

As I said before, I totally ruined things with my "main girlfriend", the only girl I had so far that I could actually say she was "the one". But yeah I did it and life "unfortunately" goes on.

Until I met her, I was somehow a bit of a shy guy and I never actually thought I could have any chance with any other girl. During our last months of dating, I found out that is not entirely true. You don't need to be an elite model or have an amazingly large wallet filled with credit cards to actually "score" (I don't like this word but it's the only one I know) with girls. For the years to come after dating her, I discovered a LOT of other important things about relationships. Before dating her, all I knew was that she was gorgeous and that we were good friends so it was obvious we'd be an amazing couple... God I was so wrong... There are so many other things equally (or even more) important to keep a relationship standing and being entirely happy...

.... and no .... I'm not talking about sex... or at least not ONLY about sex...

Our problems started exactly when those things became important, when we started growing up and discovering our diferences. I/we realized that sharing your life with someone is not only about being in love with the person ! Or... wait... it is ! It is only and exclusively about being in love with the person, the problem is (or at least my problem is) that when you grow up you become more and more demanding about the things you like and want.... I did....
I started to notice all her flaws, all her problems, all the things I couldn't do while I was with her cause she wouldn't let me... And all those things totally change your perspective of "being in love".

That leads to the path I'm walking at the moment. Which is finding someone who can actually make you feel like that first big love when nothing would stand between you and her/him and nothing else mattered except the fact that you were great together !!!

I've met and dated quite a few girls (stories to tell) ever since... I've tried damn hard to fall in love, to find soemthing interesting, something in common with every single one of them... but the truth is, it all eventually ends up with me finding out we had nothing in common and it wouldnt work.

I'm a demanding person. True, I am !!!! I don't wanna date someone that doesn't like the same things I do, or doesnt like to talk about stuff I do... I don't wanna date someone who doesnt like my friends or who can't stand me going out with them ! Yeah she can come along too, obviously, I mean thats even better... But a girlfriend/boyfriend who wants you only for themselves? No ty.... And empty headed girls/guys who can only talk about "nothing important" ?? How the hell are we supposed to spend years or even a whole life with someone like that ?!?! Yeah, I admit it, I AM demanding when it comes to the person I'm gonna share my whole life with !!! Shouldnt we all be?

For a long time I thought the problem was to "get envolved" with someone. That it wouldnt really mind if she was "the one" or not cause that's something you can adapt to... As long as she had a few good things, the rest could be worked out between the two... But as time passed by, I found out that's not true ! I mean, whats the point in going for the second or third best, when you can fight for the first place? And we're not talking about some random competition, we're talking about one of the most important things in life arent we? If we don't fight for the first place when it comes to love, when are we gonna do it?

Well I just felt like writing a bit so that's it for now... It actually feels good to write all this down...
Probably I won't make sense and if someone reads it, they probably won't "relate" to any of this... Yet, it feels good to let it out.

If someone's out there....
Cyas later !